Whether it be social media, extended adolescence, helicopter (I call them “uber”) Parents or a host of other issues in our culture that impact young teens, we as leaders charged with ministering to junior highers are constantly put in the position of answering for ourselves and for others the question, “what do we do about it?”

Do we fight against culture? Do we toss our hands in the air and reluctantly go along with it? Do we try to transform it? Do we embrace it enthusiastically? Good questions….and questions that Christians have faced all along.

If you’ve never read Richard Niebuhr’s classic, Christ & Culture…you need to. Order it today. Written in the mid-50′s, this book has as much significance today as it did over a half-century ago. While reading this book you will fairly quickly identify what your default theological practice is and be challenged by the other approaches.

The question of “How ought followers of Jesus respond to culture” is one that we are constantly faced with, but many of us have never truly answered for ourselves. Your answer to the question will RADICALLY impact the type of church you want to minister in and the shape of your junior high ministry.

For years I have held the assumption that, other than obvious cultural differences, young teens are basically the same all over the globe. I’ve assumed the physical, social, intellectual and emotional changes “show up” in a similar fashion.

Well, I’m about to find out what early adolescence (and all adolescence, actually) looks like worldwide as Saddleback Church prepares to launch churches in these 12 international cities:
- Freetown (Sierra Leonne, West Africa)
- Mexico City (Mexico)
- Manila (Philippines)
- Bangalore (India)
- Buenos Aires (Argentina)
- Johannesburg (South Africa)
- Moscow (Russia)
- Hong Kong (China)
- Tokyo (Japan)
- Amman (Jordan)
- Berlin (Germany)
- London (United Kingdom)

I’ve been charged with the very formidable task of helping launch and providing ongoing support, coaching etc. of the youth ministry in each of these 12 churches. I’m excited, overwhelmed and truly feel like I’m swimming in waters much too deep!

Here’s how you can help me out:

- If you have insider’s information about any of these cities (grew up there, served there, have friends there…), I’d welcome any input you might have.

- If you know of other evangelical churches having success ministering to teenagers in any of these cities….I’d love to connect with them.

- If you want to raise your own support to go to one of these cities for a year to help launch the youth ministry…that’s a realistic possibility!

I’m not a cross-cultural expert, but I don’t need to be in order to recognize the massive challenges of trying to contextualize a modern youth ministry paradigm like Saddleback’s into TWELVE different international contexts. It’s a challenge I didn’t see coming a year ago, and one I’m excited to take on!

If you wanna help, shoot me an email at kurt@saddleback.com

Friday afternoon….lots happening….

- Mark Oestreicher has new book published by Simply Youth Ministry titled “A Beautiful Mess”. It’s available as a free download for another week or so, after that you’ll have to pay for it. In this book, he takes a look at some of the messy, but good things about youth ministry. Mark is a good friend who has shaped my youth ministry thinking in tons of ways, and I like to think parts of this book reflect ways I’ve shaped him a little bit over the years.

- Over the next couple of years, Saddleback is going to expand to 12 international cities that include Tokyo, Berlin, Mexico City, London, Manilla, and others. I’ve been charged with launching the student ministries for each church as well as providing ongoing support, coaching, etc. Exciting….challenging stuff!

- I’ve got 5 Chick-Fil-A shakes riding on the Lakers first round play-off series. What looked like a guaranteed victory seems to be slipping away.

- Movies are my vice. I see far too many. Yet I haven’t seen Avengers! I keep having opportunities, and I keep passing them up. Not sure why.

- My wife and daughter are on a trip to NYC for our daughter’s HS graduation gift. Originally, it was slated to be a family trip but Kayla asked if she could replace me and Cole with two adult women who have been influential in her life. As sad as I am to not be on the trip, I’m thrilled beyond explanation at the fact that our kids have other adults who love them, pour into them and have helped shape them in such tremendous ways!

- Life right now feels crazy, overwhelming and exciting all at once! I am incredibly blessed and thankful. I’m not sure what life feels like for you….or how easily you can say “Blessed and thankful”, but my prayer for you as I head into the weekend is that even if those words don’t come easily, you can sense them deep in your soul.

While certain youth ministry “skills” are good…when it comes to ministering to junior highers, a certain mindset, or attitude(s) is arguably much more important. Skills can be learned, but attitude is often something that can’t be taught. Give me an unskilled, but properly attituded (is that a word?) team of adult volunteers any day!

Here are five attitudes that I think are toward the top of my list for junior high youth workers:

- An attitude of OPTIMISM! Adults who can see the best in a situation, and believes that good things are always on the horizon is a big deal in junior high ministry. Ministering to young teens is undervalued, misunderstood and draining. Pessimists need not apply!

- An attitude of ENCOURAGEMENT! Simply put: Young teens are dying for encouragement. They need a few extra cheerleaders in their lives.

- An attitude of EMPATHY! While things like a new pimple, getting dumped by our girlfriend of two days and wearing the exact same top as your best friend to the school dance may seem small….almost laughable…to us; they are a BIG deal to our junior highers. Junior highers need adults in their lives who truly “feel their pain” and want to walk alongside them as they navigate the many ups and downs, highs and lows, twists and turns of their journey through early adolescence.

An Attitude of GRACE! Very few people will try your patience like a junior higher. Junior highers will grate on even the steadiest of nerves. They will make the same foolish mistakes again and again and again. They need to be surrounded by grace-giving adults.

An Attitude of PERSEVERANCE! Don’t give up. Your current junior highers need you…and so do the ones who will follow in their footsteps.

What attitudes would you include if you were making your own list?

A few years back, I wrote a JH newsletter with Scott Rubin. In each issue we would include an article called “developmental doables” that focused on an easily-transferable principle or practice directly related to the unique developmental stage of young teens. So…I thought it was time to bring it back here on the blog. From time to time, Scott or myself will write a “Developmental Doable” Here we go.

When it comes to understanding and relating to the opposite sex, junior high is a wonderfully awkward time! Here are a few ideas to help your young teens be a little more adept at navigating these waters:

* Instead of only teaching on “Sex and Dating”, consider teaching a series on “Understanding Each Other” which focuses on some of the basic differences between males and females. Help guys understand why they usually can’t tease their girl friends the same way they tease their guy friends. Help girls recognize that listening skills take longer to develop in most guys than in girls. Use this series not to stereotype guys and girls, but to help celebrate some of the more common differences between the sexes.

* Occasionally blend small groups. If you have gender-based small groups, look for the occasional opportunity to partner groups together for outings and activities. Have a boys group cook dinner for a girls group. Have a girls group join a boys group for a day hike, etc. In smaller youth groups, this type of stuff happens all the time, but in larger groups, you may need to actually plan for smaller co-ed groups to interact.

* Create a High School Panel. Ask older high school girls to sit on a discussion panel for Junior High boys, and create a high school guys panel for the junior high girls. Leaders will need to screen the questions to make sure they don’t get overly awkward, but allow the junior highers to ask questions and learn from members of the opposite sex who are a little older.

Earlier today, Rick Warren tweeted:

“With today’s cultural rot, the MOST DANGEROUS years to a person’s soul & spiritual health are those between age 10 to 17.”

Now there’s a quote you can use to get a little extra budget for your pre-teen through high school ministries! Obviously, it is an anecdotal observation, but I think it is accurate. And, if true then a case can be made that more and more church resources should be allocated to helping reach this at-risk demographic.

And yes, I plan to use his own words against him come budget time!

Don’t follow Rick Warren on Twitter? You should: @rickwarren

- last night, we brought our JH small groups together formal lesson the nature and attributes of God. One of my points was that God has both male and female characteristics. While cleaning up, I found a note written from one JH boy to another that is an insant classic that I will hold onto for a long time: “Dude, if women were molded after God then he has BOOBS!”

- I hate when I put people in awkward situations. Sadly, I’ve recently put somebody I care for in a tough spot with some of his closest friends. Stupid, but totally unintentional. Taking steps to rectify it. Relationships are messy things, aren’t they? I understand why so many folks don’t do the hard work of keeping things healthy and God-honoring when it is so much easier to ignore problems, walk away from relationships, etc. But the easier way is a,most never the right way.

- This could be its own post….or an article…or a book: I wonder through what avenue the largest amount of authentic conversions are taking place. Are the expert bloggers, church critics, “thought leaders” etc (regardless of theological leanings) truly reaching people for Christ? Are the churches they seem determined to chastise doing a much better job? Are Missional churches seeing more kingdom impact than attractional churches? Are individuals being “salt and light” and “good news” in their neighborhoods and at work actually having faith conversations? I’m inclined to assume all of the above are seeing fruit of their labors which makes me wonder why we are so quick to force each other into camps.

- heading out to emcee BELIEVE in Holland, Michigan this weekend then spending Monday and Tuesday at Willow Creek with Scott Rubin, Brooklyn Lyndsey and others creating the scope and sequence for a 3rd year of JH LIVE curriculum as well a a two year Pre-teen LIVE curriculum.

For years I pursued balance. I bought what I’d been taught: That a well balanced life, one where ministry, family, friendships and personal pursuits were each given the appropriate “healthy” space in our lives, was the key to less stress, more joy and more fulfillment.

And while I might agree with this in an ideal world, I’m less inclined to believe such balance is attainable in the real world in which I live. For a really good discussion on this topic, head over to my buddy, Marko’s, blog where he talks about the subject in a similar, though much more astute and wise, way!

I’ll keep my thoughts short, using pictures to help along the way (me likey pictures):

Below is a picture of what most of us believe our lives should look like: Each key area given fairly equal, well defined time and space. We use words like “balance”, “margin” etc. to help keep all the boxes their appropriate size. The intent (I think) for those of us in ministry is to help ensure the never-ending, high demand, high pace nature of church work doesn’t storm the castle walls of the other areas of our lives.

The problem, however, is that ministry ALWAYS storms the castle walls! Our lives most often look more like the picture below, and we find ourselves constantly trying to force ministry back to it’s proper space.

But, what if we embraced a different picture of our lives? What if we simply recognized that life is messy and doesn’t lend itself to boxes, balance and margin? What if we embraced the beautiful mess that seems to be the reality for most of us? Hurting parents call my cell phone on my day off. My son’s swim meets often take place during work hours. I sometimes take an extra day off (without telling the HR department) to surf or ride my dirt bike. I barely see my family for the entire week heading into summer camp, and take more time off to recover than my supervisor would approve. My point is that my life simply doesn’t fit into nifty little boxes. My life looks more like this picture:

Balanced? Not at first glance. But maybe over the long haul this results in, as Marko puts it, a sustainable approach to life.
Messy? Yes….but what a beautiful mess!

If you work with young teens, you already know the unique nature of middle school ministry. But where do you go to get unique encouragement, training and collaboration from others in your “tribe”?

Here! You go right here! Here is where you go!

The middle school ministry campference, led by Mark Oestreicher’s Youth Cartel in partnership with Simply Junior High is a truly one-of-a-kind event for those of us involved in middle school ministry. It’s like a camp and a conference….with only the best parts of each without the stuff that’s lame.

This year’s MS Ministry Campference is October 26-28, and promises to be the best one yet (out of two, but that’s still better than being the second best one yet!)

Would you consider joining us? I think you will be glad you did!

Not well formed thoughts… just what I’m waking up thinking about this morning…

Last night I had a bunch of our middle school ministry team over to our house – great time! We’d had it on the calendar for a while. Laughing, talking, competing, pizza-ing, pranking.

Also on the calendar last night was a basketball practice for my 7th & 8th grade sons. They’re in a “tournament league” that plays at a nearby college. I’ve loved coaching my kids’ sports since they were little, and being involved as much as possible.

Turns out that last night they decided to arrange all of the teams in the league into 3-on-3 teams, and they had a 2 hour tournament to determine a winner. My sons finagled their way onto the same team, and they came bursting into our house full of friends last night gleefully announcing “We won the tournament!” Apparently all the coaches made a big deal of it, and it was quite a scene.

Then my son who was standing next to me said, “Dad, you missed it!”
A few minutes later my other son quietly said to me, “I can’t believe you weren’t there to see it!”
And those were the words I woke up thinking about this morning.

Not a big deal, of course, in the broad scheme of things. I’ve been to tons & tons of their sporting events; coached lots of those. And I feel like I’m a fairly “present” parent. But in that moment I felt like I missed something. I second-guessed myself. I wondered if I should’ve done something different.

Even though this is a pretty small example, I think I’m just trying to say that Parenting Middle Schoolers is more complex than it looks at first glance. I think later this week I’ll post a couple musings it looked easier to me when my kids were 6 and 4 and 2, than it does now that they’re 16 and 14 and 12!