Not well formed thoughts… just what I’m waking up thinking about this morning…

Last night I had a bunch of our middle school ministry team over to our house – great time! We’d had it on the calendar for a while. Laughing, talking, competing, pizza-ing, pranking.

Also on the calendar last night was a basketball practice for my 7th & 8th grade sons. They’re in a “tournament league” that plays at a nearby college. I’ve loved coaching my kids’ sports since they were little, and being involved as much as possible.

Turns out that last night they decided to arrange all of the teams in the league into 3-on-3 teams, and they had a 2 hour tournament to determine a winner. My sons finagled their way onto the same team, and they came bursting into our house full of friends last night gleefully announcing “We won the tournament!” Apparently all the coaches made a big deal of it, and it was quite a scene.

Then my son who was standing next to me said, “Dad, you missed it!”
A few minutes later my other son quietly said to me, “I can’t believe you weren’t there to see it!”
And those were the words I woke up thinking about this morning.

Not a big deal, of course, in the broad scheme of things. I’ve been to tons & tons of their sporting events; coached lots of those. And I feel like I’m a fairly “present” parent. But in that moment I felt like I missed something. I second-guessed myself. I wondered if I should’ve done something different.

Even though this is a pretty small example, I think I’m just trying to say that Parenting Middle Schoolers is more complex than it looks at first glance. I think later this week I’ll post a couple musings it looked easier to me when my kids were 6 and 4 and 2, than it does now that they’re 16 and 14 and 12!

… what 4 things would you say that Jr. Highers “value”?

We had an interesting conversation with our middle school team recently, about What Four Things Jr. Highers Value … and how those are reflected in our ministry. If they truly value these, but they’re missing or threatened in our ministry, that may jeopardize their experience — or even chase them away.

Your 4 might be different than ours… but it’s a great exercise to try.
Here are ours:
- Acceptance
– Fun
– Friendship
-To Be Taken Seriously

What’s your Top Four?

Posted by Scott Rubin

I wasn’t intending to write a blog post right now. But just had an interaction that made me want to jot some things down…
(If you can see a parallel between middle schoolers and senior citizens, this post might make sense.)

I got in early this morning, needing to crank through some things before anyone else gets to the office. I flipped on my computer, and went to empty my overflowing trash can before attacking my day. Walking back to my office, I ran into a 70-year-old volunteer from our church who helps do cleaning stuff around here, early in the mornings. (In my opinion, jr. highers and senior citizens can both be a bit “invisible” to people if they’re not careful!)

When I said “how are you doing” to this guy (not realizing he was really going to tell me!), he proceeded to fill me in about the stroke he had last year, and how he’s recovering from it. I was aware that I really wanted to get to my office & dig into the stuff I need to get done today… but I tried to dial in with him… it only took 5 minutes. Honestly though, I was probably half-listening, and half thinking of my “to-do” list for the day. He told me about how his left side was paralyzed last May, but now he’s doing better.

As I wished him a good day & started to leave, he said 5 words that made me pause:
“Thanks for listening to me.”

I’m not even sure I did a very good job of listening… but he was thankful.

How’s that similar to a Jr. Higher?I think they are also looking for someone who’s willing to try to LISTEN to them. KNOW them a little bit. CARE about what they’re feeling.
How’s that different from a Jr. Higher?Most of them won’t remember to say “Thanks for listening to me”. But I believe theyfeelthankful…

15 February 2012

Posted by Scott Rubin

When it comes to training & equipping volunteers, I’ve come to believe that A LITTLE is better than NONE! (and sometimes better than A LOT!)

Today is the first day that “99 Thoughts about Jr. High Ministry” is available… and I’ve already ordered some copies of it. Lots of volunteers won’t have time to read a whole book about Middle School Ministry — but Kurt has packed this little book (maybe even book-let?) with short, helpful thoughts that can motivate and inform busy people who serve students. It’s like giving your volunteers the wisdom they’d gain from sitting down for a cup of coffee with Kurt… only this booklet is probably a little more focused than he’d be in person. I can’t wait to get it!

Along the same lines, I used to try to do “day long” or “half day” trainings with our volunteers… and it felt like a HUGE undertaking! But recently, our philosophy has shifted to 30 minute trainings… very focused and purposeful … about 2 times a month (when volunteers are already at church). It’s been fantastically helpful for us — and not only that, our volunteer attendance rate has been right around 90%!

How do you train volunteers? Maybe “short” could be Great for you, too.

Posted by Scott Rubin

I love reading Josh Griffin’s blog, called “More than Dodgeball”. And I understand the title … that youth ministry is more than activities-without-purpose. But last weekend, our middle school ministry paused our regular rhythm during the weekend service, and we put on The SuperBowl of Dodgeball. Which was a smashing success!

In fact, we thought it might be our last chance for doing this, because the space we meet in is about to undergo a significant change, which could make this hard to repeat. But now we’re saying, “HOW can we make sure this happens again someday?!”… because it was that good.

A few factors that made it work:::
1- It interrupted the regular flow of our weekends … and provided something completely different. Do your students pretty much know what to expect when they walk in the doors? I’d claim that sometimes that’s a good thing; providing some stability can be helpful. But at other times, it’s great for middle schoolers to look around & say “This is CRAZY… I can’t believe we’re doing this!”

2- It was a fabulous chance to invite a friend… especially a friend who’d probably decline an invite to “church”. We told our regular students that we weren’t putting on a dodgeball tourney for “us”… but we were “hosting” a dodgeball tournament for all their friends! And close to half of our students were able to bring someone along with them. I realize that there’s no guarantee how many of them will return… but I know that some will. And that’s exciting.

3- It gave our regular volunteers a fresh opportunity to cheer their students on. As usual, we never could have pulled this thing off without our great team of volunteers. And they really enjoyed the role of coach/cheerleader… and also had a chance for some good connection with students & their friends between games.

4- Parents caught the vision. Cool to talk to a mom yesterday whose son brought his whole basketball team. She picked them all up in her mini-van, threw 3 pizzas in the back, and delivered them to church… all the while thinking, “I can’t believe this is happening”.

I’m writing this late on Sunday night… or maybe it’s early Sunday morning.
The Super Bowl is over now, and I have no idea who won. I wasn’t at a party, and didn’t see any of the new commercials that everyone will be talking about. Nope, I wasn’t on a spiritual fast-from-media … I was on an airplane crossing the ocean.

I actually love Super Bowl Parties. Not only for the party itself – but also because I can be “in the know” about what got served up on TV. It’s a good conversation starter with students, too.

But here’s another advantage of workong with middle schoolers! They won’t care that I missed the game – even the ones who were glued to the screen the whole time. In fact, some of them may be glad I didn’t see it! Because it gives THEM an opportunity to “fill me in” on what I missed.

I find that junior highers love to give me their perspective on anything I don’t know about. Especially since I’m always teaching them things – they love the chance to “teach me back”. So don’t worry if you haven’t read the Hunger Games, or heard Selena’s most recent song…Or seen the funniest Super Bowl commercials. Just ask a student to give you their expert opinion. It’ll make them feel valued, it’ll remind them that you care — and it’ll save you time by knowing which commercials to look up on YouTube and which ones to skip.

Oh, and congrats to whichever team won, Luckily for me, my Cincinnati Bengals never play in the Super Bowl, so I don’t have to worry so much about missing it.

Posted by Scott Rubin

I wonder how many students with Special Needs you’ve run across in your middle school ministry?

Even though we still have a long ways to go, this year we’ve made more strides towards serving students with special needs than any year I’ve been doing this. Lots of it is due to HELP that I’ve received from a FANTASTIC middle school teacher in our area; Laura’s degree is in this realm, and she responded to our invitation to put her knowledge to work in our ministry.

I can’t even express how God has used these students to touch MY heart in the process.

I got a note from Laura this week about a 6th grade girl, and their interaction this past weekend. This student has a small group, but also a 1-on-1 volunteer who helps her. She stays with her small group for as long as she can, but when it gets too much for her, she & her 1:1 go for a walk, & talk about things. This week, Grace’s 1:1 wasn’t here, so Laura stepped in. And Grace wanted to write a song. Here’s what her leader said, about what followed:

“I told her that was fine as long as it was about shepherds (or something we had talked about in the teaching). So, she started writing the first two lines on a piece of paper and then sang it …She had no help from me- this is what came out the first time she sang this”:

Sometimes I feel like no one likes me
But when I see the other kids being beat up
I know I should stand up for them
Because You stand up for me

God, you are my Shepherd
I am your loyal sheep
I am your servant

Sometimes I feel like no one likes me
Because I am different from the other kids
God will always stand up for me
Because He loves us so
And He will take care of us

I had hoped that we’d be able to serve special needs students a little better this year than we have in years past. But honestly, what I’m learning from them seems just as valuable.

Posted by Scott Rubin

Tomorrow is America’s day of Thankfulness, and this morning I was thinking about all that I’m grateful for things that I was also thankful for last Thanksgiving. The love of Jesus, supportive parents, best-friend wife, a mission to serve middle schoolers that fills me with passion, a friendship with a wise-man named Kurt Johnston…

But then I was also thinking of some things that have changed since last year — that I’m also super-grateful for. A couple of new friends I get to work with, an office that actually has a window, and some places that I’m growing this year that I wasn’t last year.

Here’s the 30-Second Challenge:
What are you Thankful for This year that is New since Last Thanksgiving?

I may actually try it out at my Thanksgiving dinner table with my family, & see what people say!

Posted by Scott Rubin

We’re less than 10 days away from our fall small groups retreat … the biggest one we’ve ever done! Super-exciting, for sure. And yet — it’s at a brand new location, and we have some new key leaders who’ve never done an event like this before. I think that “stress” can be an over-used word, but I do know this: I have a lot to get done and a lot to pay attention to over these next 10 days. So I’m reminding myself of several things:

1- Picturing the Faces! When the details of a big initiative threaten to bog me down, I work hard to remember who we’re trying to reach with our efforts. In a meeting last week, one of our team said “I just have to keep picturing students faces”… and I totally agree. Praying for specific students by name helps me focus on why what we’re doing is so important.

2- Remembering Who’s Big. In the book A Disrusptive Faith, A.W.Tozer writes “A basic truth of the Bible is that the source of most evil is …. a low opinion of God”. That was not what I expected to read for the 2nd half of that sentence! Tozer cautions me not to pull God down to my size — but to remember how big He is… and how much more He is interested in students than I am!

3- Tackling the Next Most-Important Item. Sitting around in a mire of worry never helps! Figuring out what the next biggest challenge is – - and getting ‘er done puts more wind in the sails for me.

4- Working Together! One of the biggest threats I know of is isolation & lack of unity. Even if you’re only partnering with one other person, keep communicating well, praying for each other, and united in your efforts.

5- Keep Cracking Open my Bible. You know why!

I can’t wait for our retreat. Now … I’ve got to go Tackle the Next Big Item on my list.

(Feel Free to add anything that you remind yourself of in times like these… maybe I can benefit!)

Posted by Scott Rubin

Yesterday I had the honor to be a guest on the distinguished “Simply Youth Ministry Show”. Jake Rutenbar & Kurt Johnston do a great job with it, and if you haven’t see it, you should check it out. (http://show.simplyyouthministry.com/) The reason they invited me on is because the topic of the show (which I think will post on Monday) was “Middle School Ministry“.

In addition to seeing one book eat another book, and a quick interruption from a shirtless man, one topic we discussed was the challenges that come when you lead BOTH a middle school ministry AND a high school ministry. When you’re teaching the same topic to MS and HS students, is it wiser to start with the HS outline, and “simplify it”… or to start with the MS outline and “beef it up”? Check out the show. Especially if you’re an Emilio Estavez fan. (or maybe you’ll become one after you watch it.)