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Here is an article that you simply must read if you work with teenagers (passed on to me by Scott Rubin). In fact, it may be one you will need to read a few times as you process it. Here are a few questions that popped into my head right away…questions I haven’t tried to answer yet.
1) Does the fact that the writer of this article is gay add credibility, hinder credibility?
2) If the writer were not gay, would that add credibility, hinder credibility?
3) A key point the writer makes goes along this line of thinking, “We don’t question 12 year old boys when they say they have started liking girls, why would we question them when they say they have started liking boys.” How valid is that point?
4) Is society’s increasingly openess about GLBT lifestyles helping young people come out of the closet or is it creating a bit of a trend of experimentation within younger circles?
5) Is the junior high ministry I lead in prepared to appropriately respond to a student who decides to come out?
6) What IS the proper response, and can a junior high student REALLY even come out?
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We’ve made a number of ‘rules’ (especially for those who are on the microphone) that include no Gay, Racial, or ‘Retarded’ slurs or jokes (we had a student with a retarded, twin brother – ‘retard’ jokes hurt him deeply but he NEVER said anything about his brother or the pain).
As to #4, and after the author’s statement about Internet access (middle of page 3), I’m wondering if the proliferation of pornography, especially the prominence of ‘girl on girl’ videos ‘for guys’, might be the more powerful factor. That is: viewing pornography, talking about masturbation, etc. are MUCH more common (nay, Expected!) than before the widespread access of the Internet. Such emotionally/sexually charged topics and experiences are being ‘discussed’ by peers in late elementary school (in the two states I’ve lived in). Peers not being the best resource on the topic!
This in concert with craziness of emtions in Jr/Sr High and the lack of help from adults (who might not be any better off!)… super-powerful sexuality plus very unsure emotional self-understanding: perfect storm for deception.
As I look back at myself at that age, I think about how incapable I was of understanding such a dilemma (I had emotions and no emotional skills) and often ignored or belittled advice from adults on the topic.
So I/we are working through how to create a culture, a set of relationships, etc. that help students grow ‘emotionally’ and also help students not be swayed by such powerful and ‘everywhere’ sexual tides.
Personally, Kurt, I think this is going to be one of the top-few destructive aspects of society (youth society in particular) over the next few decades… if you felt compelled to raise this topic to a higher level and use your ‘audience’ of youth workers and pastors to start some thoughtful discussion, I’d jump in with both feet.
David.
This was a great article, I read it about a week ago via Mark Matlock’s twitter.
1) I don’t feel as if he is pushing any particular agenda, so neither.
2) If he were straight and advocated for those who were gay, I think it would add credibility.
3) I felt the argument was compelling enough. While having someone “come out” carries much more of a social burden than simply feeling sexually attracted to someone, I think it’s wrong for us to think that boys and girls could not be sexually attracted to the same sex at that age. Not to mention, I think boys and girls deal with homosexual experimentation differently. Culturally, lesbianism is more accepted than gay men/boys. It’s “unmanly.” But for some reason, guys don’t mind seeing two girls make out. Do girls like to see two guys make out? I’m not sure.
4) I think it’s more of the first one. More openness.
5) We crack too many “gay” jokes, so no, I do not feel that such a coming out would be accepted in my youth group. Maybe I should work to change that.
6) Keep loving them like Jesus. In the end, it’s not their sexual orientation that will get them into Heaven.